Killing Stalking – My Final Thoughts

We have come a long way since this story began all the way back in 2016, but it’s official Killing Stalking’s story has come to an end, and what a disturbing journey it has been. I know I am not alone in thanking Koogi for this amazing webtoon that has dived deep into a disturbing relationship that has kept most of us hooked over there past few years. There are those who have dropped out of the fandom over the years, as does with any fandom.

And what a fandom that has been built around Killing Stalking, it has been a long time since have been part of a fandom so divided and at times toxic, but I want to state before I continue on with this post. The toxicity of this fandom and fetishisation of this relationship by the fandom is in no way the author Koogi’s fault. It has been stated countless times by her that this was never suppose to be a romance story. It is a story of emotional manipulation and abuse that at best could be considered a crime/psychological thriller first and when all it said and done with this story, I find myself hard pressed at this point to consider this story a yaoi story at all.

Over the last few years the yaoi and Boys Love genre has become to expansive and inclusive of so many different kind of stories that it has filtered into other genres as well. This is not a bad thing as I as a fan have enjoyed watching the fandom I love grow and expend with the type of stories we get to read and the exploration of darker themes through fiction has always fascinated me, after all it was this appeal to darker stories that made Killing Stalking peak my interest as much as it did others.

The final chapters and ending to the story that is Killing Stalking has left the fanbase divided. Some wanted the two leads to get their happy ending, those who were hoping this. I’m sorry but this is not the kind of story that will give you a happy ending, but does this lack of a happy ending made it an unsatisfactory one? Well that really depends.

The twists and and emotional turns throughout the final chapters and moments of the story kept me on the edge of my seat and pulled at my heartstrings, which just goes to show what an amazing story teller Koogi really is. The exploration of mental illness within this story was what kept me hooked more than anything, at the end of the day Killing Stalking was a story with no good guys, sympathetic bad people and that it can be so easy to fall into madness and that once you truly fall into it, you will never get your happy ending and that there are many things in this world far scarier than death and that even in death we don’t all find peace.

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Finding the Light in the Darkness

This quote from Jim Gordon in the very first episode of Gotham to Bruce Wayne, it has resonated with me throughout these last few months. These months have been some of the toughest emotionally and mentally for me in my entire life and I know moving forward things are going to get a lot more painful and a lot harder and that nothing will ever be the same again – like how things were before my father’s diagnosis – but as cold as it might sound to write, that’s life. It can give you some of the most wonderful moments but there will always be painful moments as well. If everything was good all the time then well, those happy moments would not matter as much as they do.

There are many ways people cope with a hard situation and I will admit I am not a person without my vices. When the news hit last year I bottled everything up for a long time and for a time I was drinking at night time to ‘take the edge off’ as I was telling myself. Just a couple of drinks in the evening to help me sleep, to numb me from what was going on around me.

This only lasted a week, because all this did was make me feel miserable and I needed to be strong for those around me and when I stood back and was honest with myself I came to realize I was becoming someone I did not want to be. I needed a distraction so I chose a show I knew I liked on Netflix and I binged it once again. I was already a fan of Gotham before all this stuff with my family began, but this time upon viewing the show, I latched onto something I did not before and to put it bluntly Gotham over the last few months has become an obsession that has kept me going.

I have been part of countless fandoms over the years, some good and admittedly a lot of them bad – and I mean bad to the point where I am a fan of the show, but refuse to have anything to do with the fandom side of things (Hannibal being a big one for this), but Gotham’s fandom is one of the most welcoming and friendliest fandoms I have ever been a part of. Even the shipping side of things is very civil, heck I have even made friends within the fandom that have helped me through these past couple of months.

There is something about the world of this show that dragged me and so many others in. It’s stories though fantastical still have a grounded reality in them that has kept me hooked. So I just want to say a big thank you to the creators, cast and staff behind Gotham and and even bigger thank you to the amazing fan community around this show.