My Life as a Yaoi Fangirl – Dealing with Misconceptions and Hate

Admitting to being a yaoi fangirl in most fandom communities is almost like placing a target on your back at times. Even with the fanbase of yaoi growing every day online there is still a stigma of the yaoi crazed fangirl who is loud, annoyingly obnoxious when it comes to their favorite pairings that yaoi-ify anything they come across.

88ff2a5daff62753536c234bad7cab6a1239208537_fullThough to a certain extent I will admit this can be true sometimes, with the way many people talk about yaoi fans online and how they are portrayed when seen in stories one is to believe we act this way twenty-four seven, and this is just not the case. In fact it borders on insulting some of the things I have heard and read.

For example Urban Dictionary describes as yaoi fangirl as thus;

Beware of yaoi fangirl groups. If one happens to enter the vicinity of a yaoi fangirl, and one is a relatively cute looking guy, run. Run very far, and very fast. Do not look back. Do not mention certain shows with disdain around them. One will be clawed, or at the very least, never seen from again. Examples of these shows would be, Weiß kreuz, Saiyuki, and Inu Yasha. (Don’t ask me about the last one, I have no idea why either).

Any anime fangirl could be a yaoi fangirl as they do look like any typical anime fangirl. In fact, if she is into anime, and considers herself a fangirl, there is a very good chance she is a yaoi fangirl. So just beware of them all.

If treaded around carefully, one will survive an encounter with a yaoi fangirl with relatively few scars…that are physical. Psychologists should be standing by.

That yaoi fangirl scared the living crap out of me.

I couldn’t hear myself think over the screams of “Seki-san” from those damn yaoi fangirls!

Now I know Urban Dictionary is a crowd sourced online dictionary for slang and is meant for parody purposes and not to be taken seriously, but the said fact is this statement right here is how many outside the yaoi fandom see a yaoi fangirl when they see one online or meet one at a convention and yet sadly for myself this is not the most insulting of which I have come across, in fact the most insulting came across in a conversation while drinking with a friend the year before last.
tumblr_static_filename_640_v2The comments made went along something like this. ‘Oh I get why women like yaoi now, the bulk of them are either frustrated virgins looking for something to get themselves off or it’s just female penis envy.’ At first I just shrugged this off as drunk talk because we were both pretty drunk that night and had been watching a lot of weird anime. So the next day I asked him if he remembered what he said the night before and he just smiled about it and went on and on about how he came to that oh so obvious conclusion and that being a yaoi fangirl I had nothing to be ashamed of if I just admitted he was right.
 Needless to say this was the beginning of an ending friendship that went down a very strange and uncomfortable path for myself, that just got to the point where I had to cut that person out of my life completely.
 I’ve been accused of being frustrated, I’ve been accused of being a sexual deviant, I’ve been accused of being a pedophile (yep) and I’ve been accused of using my own male friends for original fiction fodder and rape fantasy stories that were never written.
 Some of these rumors have even outright ostracized me from my local anime communities (well there is also the fact that I am offline a very blunt person and will call a spade a spade and an asshole and asshole) but at the end of the day it has not stopped me from loving what I love and that is a good yaoi story.

c5e4d892d27fb48130b5e8c152eb05f54f69003f_hqTo be an open yaoi fan can be a tough road, because there will always be narrow minded people out there that will only see you as a cancer unto their fandom and as much as you may love to force your views on them, you cannot because that will make you just as bad as the haters out there that will want to tear you down. You have to grow a thick skin, pick your battles and at the end of the day be true to yourself.

I am Mistress of Yaoi, I’m a yaoi fangirl and I love it! If you are a fan say it proud and if you have any questions about being a yaoi fan let me know in the comments below.

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13 thoughts on “My Life as a Yaoi Fangirl – Dealing with Misconceptions and Hate

  1. I’m so sorry that had to happen to you, it sounds horrible and is why if I did have a local community here, I wouldn’t be forthcoming. Online I’m forthcoming about it, but I do think it’s gross they think just because we might ship 2d guys that it translates to 3d dudes. It doesn’t work like that, besides not all BL fans will even ship characters in non-BL works. I’ll admit to doing it, but only on certain shows. Sports anime are very good for that type of shipping, I’ll admit, but aah, I digress.
    I definitely understand how you’d break get away from someone as toxic as your supposed friend, because what he said was scum level.
    I actually really like shotas, 2d only, because they’re so cute and then when they grow it’s like OhHellYes, but I actually get pretty weirded out when people think just because I prefer shotas that it means in a sexual way. Just because I love Ciel and Ritsuka does not mean it’s in a pedo, I would rape/have sex with him, notyvm ugh.
    Sorry, I think I ended up rambling and not saying much of anything ORZ (⌒_⌒;)

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  2. It was the fact that I am a fan of Loveless and made an off hand comment when with an older anime group about Boku no Pico not being as ‘bad’ as everyone says that I think started the whole pedo thing, but I cannot be sure if it was just that or if there was someone just bad mouthing me. Things just got to high school levels of quarreling and bullying in so many offline groups that I just gave up on taking part. Yes there is a part of me that misses the social side of offline meetups but one thing I have not missed is the real world drama. At least when drama is happening online I can just turn my laptop and phone off

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  3. I like yaoi and I cannot lie~ it’s kinda weird to tell people you like yaoi especially to guys but I just do it anyways. 😂😂 most of them just give me weird looks at first but that’s all I haven’t gotten any harsh comments or such. I do get annoyed by some hard core yaoi fans tho. My friend is a yaoi fan and I am too but she just won’t shut up about the shios and it gets pretty annoying at some point. I like yaoi but I don’t go shoving my fantasies everywhere. Being a yaoi fan girl is hard. 😦

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    • there are all kinds of people in this world and all different kind of fans and fandoms and that goes for yaoi fans as well. I just wanted to write this to perhaps open a few eyes and show that there is more than just a stereotype when it comes to yaoi fans

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  4. So glad my brothers are ok with it. One of them (who’s the manga addict–he prefers shoujo and seinen though) even read some of the mangas I’ve read (like Rutta to Kodama and Yume Musubi, Koi Musubi). We only see each other twice a week, but since he’s always online, he often gives me a heads up on yaoi mangas that he knows I’m following (“Hey, there’s a new chapter of Saezuru!” He even watched Zetsuai and agreed that it is nice, except for the character’s chins. Lol.

    Yup, they know that I’m a yaoi fangirl. But only them. Pretty much everyone else in my life are clueless, especially my parents.

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  6. Yaoi’s not really my thing, but good job in writing a post standing up for what you believe in! Any anime-fan faces misconceptions and hate from non-fans, so you’d think they’d be more understanding towards the sub-genres of their own fandom, but sadly that’s not the case. I’m sure it will eventually get better, and having bloggers like you spreading the word is a great start 🙂

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  7. I’m really sorry that other people had those reactions! I was really lucky in high school as I had 2 close friends who were also yaoi fangirls and we secretly fangirled together. Although one of my friends did have a terrible experience where one of her ‘close’ friends accused her of being a pervert and said she was sick. Needless to say that friendship didn’t last.

    But yes, yaoi fangirl and proud! Fangirls unite ^_^!

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